Why?

Why..its a question i seem to always be asking myself, but never get any answers. Things in my life havent been good for a long while. Money is usually the copret of these issues. ever since i was in middle school i can remember having worries of adult things such as mortgages and car notes. Moms tried hard not to show it but we were clearly having issues. and stupid boyfriends of hers didnt make the situation any better. I asked why we had to move from the house i loved and why he had to come with us and why i had to live an hour away from my friends and everything i knew. Why i couldnt buy the jordans my friends had and why i couldnt have that northface coat. Why my brother had everything he wanted and all i could do is dream. Why he saw his father every fuckin day of his life and i only heard "dads" voice when i was in trouble. Why i had to learn the real meaing of christmas that morning their was nothing under the tree. Why that same day i had to go to my brothers and watch them open up tons of shit they dnt even appreciate. Why i had to learn to appreciate things i had because i got nothing else. Why i woke up in that hotel and my mother wasent their. Why i woke up every morning and "he" was always their. Why i had to get a job when i was barely 15 and still didnt have any money. Why do i have 2 jobs now and still have no money. Why everytime i get money sumthing pops up. Why i buy a car and it turns out to be a piece of shit. Why my mom buys a car and it turns out to be a piece of shit. Why my friends and brothers buy cars and they have no probs. Why i no longer have to worry about car notes and mortgages but now have to pay for them and Why i have to write this to feel better. Why god is putting me through this. Why...Why..Why theirs so many more reasons to ask why..but i get no answer. So why do i ask why.....

Friends n Fam

Friends n Fam, what to say, what to say. Seems like every min theirs one going away. away from you nd everything you had. Like wat u did was a waste, all the gud nd the bad. For me fam is the same way to, have 3 brothers..none of em saw me graduate high school. Throughout the huge crowd, had 3 ppl that were their for me...now thats wat i call family. Looked left, then right....even up nd down. only to relize no other family was around. Thats when it hit me, my friends were my family. Then it also hit.....that could never be. A best friend and a brother are 2 differnt things..both have love with different meanings. a best friends love is all i've had, not saying its bad or that it makes me mad, jus miss a brothers love...just a tad. the kinda love i kno cant be taken away, the kind that does more then listen, thats the kinda love im missin. Mayb one day, ill be able to say....Hey thats my brother and he loves me, were one tight family. he, she , them, or they couldnt tear us apart. loves to strong for us to depart. Family is wat we would always be, no matter wat fight put us against each other, n the end u'd always be my brother. same goes for a mother, and a father to.......Friends n fam, what to say what to say

Trials and Tribulations

Life...wat more can i say. That simple word that means so much, yet i kno so little about it. i live it? Its confusing and the only thing promised in life is death. Thats all i truely no about life. Nd everyday i wake up to this thing called life. Life for me has always seemed harder then the guy sittin next to me. But i guess thats an unfair thing to say, seeing as i kno nothing about their life. Let me switch the topic up a lil bit. Ever had that feeling that everything in life is against you? Like nothing can go right...sure we've all been there. I seem to get to that point alot..and all the advice is the same "it could always be worse", "lifes a bitch", "ppl have it worse then you","its all worth it to walk thru those heavenly gates". These r all things i hear and say when sumones comes to me for aid. Nd tho they may all be true, sumtimes i feel theirs sumthing else. Like were being tested. Nd those who cant hang with the trials and tribulations of life get punished and arent allowed the glory we see. i.e. those who rob in times of hunger or need. Those who kill in times of hate or selfisness. Nd those who end their own lives due to stress and pain. most people in these examples are sent to prison or damned in hell(in my religion atleast) To me, these are the ppl who didnt pass the test. Nd the ones who do are greeted with riches beyond imagine n heaven when their time comes. I once heard "the greatest gift we have in life is choice" this makes me wonder...mayb life is just a big test. A test given to us from above nd were graded on judgement day. Those who failed are sent to hell for punishment nd those who pass are sent to heaven to reep the benifits....Just a thought on life, mayb instead of tryna figure it out ill jus live it and see what happens.

Long time

Sooo, havent been on here in awhile. well alots happened since my last blog. My world is upside down once again( or mayb its right side up this time?) well u get the point. fighting with friends, confused over girls, school issues nd the fact that i dnt kno WAT IMA DO FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE!! hmmm lets start with friends. with friends like mine theirs no need for enemys(i kno i kno cliche but its true) never kno wats true n e more or wats gonna stay a secret and wat wont. always the butt of chokes(literally) and pretty tired of it. I've ended a friendship or 2 and its def been for the best. but i dnt think n e more of that for awhile. i've learned not to get so close n e more. sooooo wats next. girlssss. gosh im so confused, i like em one min and the next i dnt. so many mixed signals....guess im giving them myself. o well enough of that. ummmmm school. school school school. its funny, i had a gud friend the beggining of class and wasnt friends with this one person. Next im gud friends with the one i wasent friends with and dnt talk to the one i was gud friends with n e more. haha i kno confusing and oooo the irony. guess thats life, never kno wats gonna happen. well the whole WAT IME DO FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE thing will have to wait for later. kinda tired.....thnx for reading :)

Lies&Deceit...

Lies and deceit, its all around. Those u luv and think they feel the same, turn around and put u to shame. Its a sad cycle of life, BUT WITH IT COMES GUD....even after the pain and strife. the gud, the bad, and the times inbetween...Its the ones u thought never could, are capable of being the most mean. I guess its cuz u never thought u'd see the day. Ur best friend, or Baby treats u the wrong way. U beat urself up, asking y...but y try u never get the answer u want..and when u do... Its jus them being sly. Sneaking their way back in, to repeat the cycle u've been goin thru since way back when... But y do we let this happen? its because we put way to much trust in the ones we call friends. Its like my mom always said, ull have only enough "best friends" Thruout ur life to count on one hand. I thought i was beating the odds, but that quickly came to an end. From now on, choose wisely who u call "friend" Not cuz u hung out wit them, days on end...but because they were their for u, from the beginning to end.

you

YOU, i cant YOU outa my mind...i dnt even kno YOU, yet my mind wont leave YOU alone. YOU, do you even kno YOU've been on my mind? Walking in the hallways, i have to make a U because YOU decided to grace me with YOUR elegance once again. because of YOU i think to myself, do I even have a chance, Why do I try, Wat am I thinking...But YOU dnt even kno?? Or do YOU?

Im not OBSESSED lol, jus doin sum creative writing...bored much, but n e ways...WEEKENDS HERE!!!! o yea, more work and school work!!! lol, college life hasent gotten fun yet, but o well..work now play later right? so how bout me nd YOU! lol luv peace nd soul yall!!

Dad

To my father, the best dad i could ever ask for...but i didnt relize until now. U tought me so much, even tho u were so far away. Always i wondered, why couldnt i have a dad like normal kids. Y couldnt u be around to teach me how to be a man, and help me thru life. But even tho u were always outa sight, u were still never outa reach. U tought me so many things, in such a short period of time. U tought me how to be a man and so much more. Even tho at times im hard headed and i give u nd mom a hard time, i payed attention and i learned. Im sry for ever doubting u...and being upset becuase u werent their. When truely u were, and i thank u for that. Thruought ur weird teachings, and mini sayings...I Jamall Osman became a man...a wise man with far more knowledge and wisdom then a person my age. Again, thnk u nd im sry for not being their when i should have been. I luv u dad, and i will make u proud...I promise...